I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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