Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
