We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
