She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
