Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
