Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i came on her dog
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
