Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
