I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
