Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The best revenge is premature balding
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
