Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
