so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
