We're like a lot better than the average bears
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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