got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
