I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your penis caused this!
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