Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
