I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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