just come out here and I will go home with you...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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