Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
