forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
