Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
