She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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