My liver just broke up with me...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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