just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
