i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
