I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
