Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
