One girl and one boy is just not enough.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
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Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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