I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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