I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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