I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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