I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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