Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
