How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Randomize
