she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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