Don't make out with my wife yet
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
