toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
