I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
