Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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