I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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