i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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