Your face is a jimmy john
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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