no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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