I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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