Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
