someone threw a dead crab at me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i think i just lost a toe
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
