i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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