I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
