He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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