shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
