He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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