i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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