ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I believe in your delicious
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
