If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
