WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
