I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
