I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
