whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
