So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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