She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
