i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
