Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want nice things and good sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
