Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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