Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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