he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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