I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
