Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
