Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
