How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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