There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
