Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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