WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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