dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize